Hot Coffee

Today has been strange.
Not that a lot has happened...
I've been at work, pretty much by myself all day long. I don't like it much. I don't like being alone for long periods of time. At least when I'm stuck in one place. If I could get out & drive around, that would be fine. But sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours is hellish.

I'm not particularly happy.

I tried to spend some time talking to Jesus, walking around campus. I heard some good stuff, but overall I am frustrated with myself and how selfish I am. I hate it. I hate how my thoughts and my eyes are focused on me; not other people. I wanted to cry when Jesus was showing me the people around me on my walk. He gave me a glimpse of how he sees them; how his heart breaks for them because they don't see him. He showed me a pile of leaves. There, in the middle of a large pile of brown dead leaves, was a bright red leaf. He said, "that's you. I put you here to be a bright, colorful leaf among the dying ones."

I don't know how.

I finished the chapter in IF YOU WANT TO WALK ON WATER, YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THE BOAT called "Walking on the water". At the end, there are questions for you to answer...and I kind of don't know how to.
-What am I doing today that I could not do apart from the power of God?
-How would you describe your faith these days? What might help you get to know God better?
-What is one step you could take today to expand your "spiritual comfort zone"?
-What one area of the world, or one cause, or one need that's bigger than yourself would you be willing to pray for over the next six months?

There was a story in the chapter about this guy named Bob, who prayed for Africa for 6 months...and he saw real miracles happen. He got to take a trip to Africa, which spurred him on to write a letter, which then got millions of dollars worth of medical equipment sent to the medical center in Africa. He was invited back & on his visit, made a comment to an important man that these prisoners should be released.

And then they were.

Organizations had been trying to get those prisoners released for years....and then one man makes a side comment, and it happens.

It's crazy. And it makes me wonder what God wants to use me for. I really want to have the courage to go all out with His plans. I want the confidence that I was meant for what He calls me to, and to just risk it all.

Things are changing, and it makes me excited and a little sad.
-Dusty is on the Frankfort launch team, which is awesome...and it means we won't get to go to service together but only once in a blue moon.
-I'm going to the MAT on Fridays, so we've had to move our date night...
-which means we only get 2-3 hours for our date instead of the whole evening like we've been used to.
-We've talked about where we are regarding marriage, and both of us are kind of wondering how you know it's even the right time to start thinking/talking about it...when is the right time to start meeting with Michael & Ginny Riensche as a couple? Then how do you know it's the right time to propose? Etc...

I feel like I've been so comfortable with how everything was going...not necessarily happy with it, but used to it... and now I'm feeling the way it's shifting, and it feels weird. I know Jesus wants to do work in me & Dusty. I welcome it, and it also makes me nervous.

So here we go.