These days

These days...

My heart is content & expectant.

It's funny I wrote that this morning...because I just talked with SB & was asked to pray about stepping into officially leading a lifegroup.

It's been something I knew would come sooner or later...as I've been leading a subgroup under Meredith for a few months now, & haven't known if leading my own LG is really something Jesus wants for me...I've been ok not knowing the answer. I knew all along I could ask the question & hear the answer if I wanted to...but that's just it...I don't think I've really wanted to know the answer.

But why?

I'm praying Jesus shows me why that is. What is it that's been keeping me from wanting to know?

Fear? Self? I think both of those in some ways...I'm afraid I would screw it up (even though that is inevitable) & afraid the answer would be yes. I'm not sure if I really want to lead a LG. Not sure if I want that mantle. Part of me just wants to be in a LG where I can learn & soak up truth...but not have the mantle & responsibility of leading a group of women. Listening to my own thoughts it feels a bit like what Jesus was showing me at Summit-afraid God would 'make me do something I didn't really want to do'.

There are times I like leading a LG...there are times I don't like it. I just really want to know if this isn't for me, or if I've just been biting off on self a lot. If it is something Jesus wants me to say yes to, I want to be able to say yes wholeheartedly...not just saying yes because Jesus said to.

So, God, please show me the truth about my heart & the truth about your plans!

Getting more vocal

After D told me Friday that he's been talking to his Accelerator about marriage & he's going to be talking to his dad soon, I've been thinking about it a little more & feeling like it's really ok for me to be a little more vocal with wanting to marry him...

Last night I visited him at his office where he was working late. We got to talking about weddings & I asked him what season he wants to get married in...after some talk, it sounds like we will probably be married before summer next year! That makes my heart happy to know that, & still leaves plenty of room for surprise as I have no clue when the proposal is coming.

I just can't wait. I'm excited to finally get to start shopping & planning for a fun wedding celebration & to start a life with D. It's crazy to think that in less than 9 months, I could be a married woman!

There's movement...

Friday was date night, & D did well planning a sweet night!

We picked up some very fancy italian at Fazolis & drove out to a local winery where we ate dinner at a picnic table listening to live music as the sun was in its first stages of setting. After dinner we took a stroll through the vineyard trying all the different kinds of grapes & playing on the tractors we found in a barn. We tasted some wine & grabbed a glass & hiked up to the top of the vineyard to watch the sun set over a pond. It was gorgeous. A simple & romantic evening. It was great to hear D tell me "I was just thinking about how much I want to marry you". He let me know that he's been talking to his Accelerate leader about it & he is going to talk to his dad this week.

I had been wondering where we were as far as engagement goes...it feels good to know there is movement being made. It felt like we were at a stand-still for a while. I just hope it doesn't take too long! :)

I.Love.This.

Weather!

I really think I just need a job where I get to be outside whenever I want. Wouldn't that be grand?

I've been at this job for over 2 years now...that's a bit wild to me. I wonder, how long does one usually stay at one place as the office manager?

Anyway, I was just strolling through some other blogs & I really have the itch to get creative & crafty. I want to go to flea markets & reupholster a chair. Or paint a set of drawers. Or something.

I want to set up a time to take pictures.

I want to run in the sunlight of the fall weather.

Feeling Creative...

I'm feeling a wee bit creative...heading to Wal Mart to see what I can find.

Unsure...

I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now...

I'm feeling like leading a lifegroup isn't for me.

And I think I need to talk to my producing leader about producing on the weekends...

It feels like I need to lighten my load a bit. I'm dying to get more into FUSED. I'm on the lead team & leading producing/production...but I feel so out of things because I'm not leading students anymore. I would love to lead a student lifegroup, but right now I just can't...

I'm not sure whether I'm feeling this stuff because it's the right next step for me to take, or if I'm just in a funk...I love my lifegroup girls, but I'm just not sure it's the right fit for me to lead. I definitely need to talk to Mer, MM & KD.