On the Verge

So it's been over 2 months since D & I got married!

The wedding was perfect.

And married life has been lots of fun.

It's strange, though, because now I find myself sitting on the verge of something new...I can feel it in my bones that God has a 'next' in store for me, I just have NO clue what that might be.

Where I feel it the most is in my serving role at church...I know something needs to shift. It's hard not being convinced I'm called to student ministry, because it means it's not just looking at an org chart & pointing to which role I feel would be fun to fill. No, anything is possible. I could be called into a whole new field. Something I've never done before.

It's scary.

Scary because-what if I'm not good at it? What if I'm called into something I know NOTHING about? What if my time with D gets even smaller? If our schedules are polar opposites?

I just want to know what this 'next' is.

3 days

It's crazy how time flies...

We are just 3 days away from the wedding! I can't believe it's finally here...it feels like it was just yesterday that we even started dating.

It's been pretty relaxed planning this thing, actually. I'm surprised by how not stressed we're feeling. It feels like things are coming together pretty smoothly...no complaints about that!

My heart is a little sad & I could cry when I look at the weather forecast. The one thing Dusty & I really wanted...the only thing I've been sure of since I was 14 was that the wedding would be outside. It's in nature where I meet with Jesus the clearest, & the same for Dusty. We love being outside...and right now the forecast is calling for 70% rain & thunderstorms. Thursday & Friday.

It's hard to not check weather.com obsessively. But, I know I heard Jesus say 'trust me & stop worrying.'...so I am really not going to check the weather the rest of today or tomorrow. God knows my heart...He created it. He created me to have a connection with nature & to meet with him there. And He's known the desires of my heart & Dusty's since before we were born. So, God, I ask you to do your work. I know you want to lavish me with your love & that you will be present & leading our wedding. I really believe that. Because I know you designed us to be together & you are the center of our relationship & marriage & you have great plans for us. I know you want to shine through our wedding. I want to be open-handed with what it looks like...want to, but I'm not there yet. I want to keep my hopes up too...not just expect the worst & then be surprised if it's better.

So, I believe you. I trust you. And I give you this wedding.

Love, Melissa.

60 days...

Only 60 days until I get to put on my dress & walk down the aisle to him. Only 60 days until we get to stand before God & our family & vow our lives to love each other & follow Jesus wherever He takes us. 60 days until I can finally call him my husband!

It blows my mind...In just 2 months we will be married! I absolutely cannot wait!

:)

Seriously?!?

I'm super tired, & still trying to make sense of the happenings of last night...

Last night was the final Horizon for the 2010 Accelerate group, followed by the welcoming of the 2011 group. Praying through the application was really hard for me this year, and even while filling it out, I didn't feel like my heart was in the process like it was the last 2 years. Part of me hasn't wanted it. I knew I wanted to be a part of Horizon in some setting-but hoping it would be as a novice. I didn't feel ready to be an Accelerator this year, what with stepping into marriage in just 79 days (!), but I felt ok taking the risk to ask to be an apprentice. "Hopefully", I thought, "if I'm an apprentice, I'll be put with a married woman to follow & learn from". No part of me really wanted to be an Accelerator. It took me a while to get my heart to the spot where I could really cheer on Dusty for applying & to be ready to support him as he led from that spot this year.

So, when I heard my name called to be an Accelerator this year, I felt mixed emotions. Disbelief. Shock. Excitement. Nervousness. What the HELL? That's really what I was thinking.

I don't understand it. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. And, just along the lines that Jesus has been speaking, it shows there is no formula.

So, God, I need you to speak. I need you to show me YOUR plan for me this year. I need to hear your voice & I need your courage, because I'm scared out of my mind. Right now my heart isn't ready to be that selfless & lay down my life. It's like I've been such a supporter of it 'in theory', but now the opportunity to really experience it sits in front of me. Staring at me. And I don't quite know what to do.

That box. It's been set before me. I feel like I'm just staring at it while all the other kids around me are ripping into the wrapping paper & opening it up excitedly. I'm not even really examining it at this point. Just staring.

God, what in the WORLD are you THINKING?

Countdown: 99 days!

Well wedding planning is in full-swing! It's been hard & trying...we've changed our color pallette 3 times, the bridesmaid dresses 2 times, & the groomsmen outfits once. Now we're in the process of possibly changing our reception spot...BUT, it's turning out to feel more like the wedding I had envisioned in the first place! More relaxed & vintage-rustic.

And we are down to 99 days! I can't believe in just 3 short months I will be walking down an aisle to marry my favorite person! I can't wait to start our life together as the Baileys. It's still crazy to me that 4 years ago I was refusing to think about dating him...and now we're about to become husband & wife...

On another note, we just announced in Fused last night that we will be going to MYRTLE BEACH this summer! It blows my mind to see where Jesus has brought our student ministry over the years...from the time I was in the little group of 10 to now, when we're looking at the possibility of 350 kids coming on this trip!?! What in the world? I can't wait to see what he's got in store for us in July!

That's it for now...I just wanted to write a quick update!

99 days...

M

Engaged!

I'm not sure why I haven't taken the time until now to type all of this out...but, D. & I are engaged!!!

It's crazy still...still sinking in that in a few short months, I will be married to the man I love...wild.

So, engagement story...

We went with some of the FUSED lead team to Myrtle Beach for some meetings & such for just a day. As we were getting ready to head back home, we stopped at the beach to walk around for a few minutes. I had my camera out taking pictures of the gorgeous scenery & soaking it all in, when Brad (the student pastor) pulled the other 2 women aside & acted as though there was a serious matter he needed to talk with them about. He asked me & D to hang out on the beach for a few minutes, so I was cool with that!

I had the fleeting thought that it would be fun to get engaged on the beach, but that thought was very quickly gone as we walked along toward the pier & I skipped from jellyfish to jellyfish taking pictures & poking at them...all the while D is trying to get the ring out of his pocket!

As we walked down the beach, I started telling him about my family & how we used to come to Myrtle Beach to visit my grandparents. My Granny & Gramps used to live at MB in the winter time, & my Granny still does each year. I told him fun memories of my Gramps & how I have a picture in my room of the two of us standing on the beach together. D knew my Granny comes in the winter, but he didn't know how actually sweet a spot MB is to me...I don't think I even realized it until then.

We stopped to look around & I pointed to one of the hotels to show him the one where Granny lives when she's at MB. He hugged me...and from there it's kind of a blur...

D told me he wanted to ask me-I put my sunglasses on top of my head so I could look him in the eyes-and he pulled the ring out of his pocket as he got down on one knee & asked "Will you marry me?"

I was in total shock...I think my first words were 'Is this for real? Are you kidding me?' before I reached for the ring! D put the ring on my finger as I came-to a bit & said Yes! It still took me a few minutes before I could really believe what had just happened!

We got to celebrate & be prayed for by Brad, Tanya & Joanna & then hit the road for 10 hours headed back home! We called our family & shared the news with them on our way back, & I don't think I slept but 30 minutes the entire way!

I still am reeling & soaking in the lavish gift Jesus gave me Monday at 3:30pm...the way He set it all up-such evidence that He knows our hearts even better than we know our own. I couldn't have imagined it happening any better than that. We got to be on the beach-right at the water-in the middle of dreaming big & seeing the next for FUSED, in a place that is special to me & my family & it felt like, even though my Gramps is long gone, he still got to be a part of it. I never would have thought of it happening as sweetly as it did...God is amazing.

Now it's time to start planning this thing! I can't wait to see what Jesus has in store for us in these next few months as we get ready for marriage! Bah!

SO bored

I'm sitting here at work wishing the hours away...

Only 2 hours left, but time seems to be creeping SLOWLY by. I'm ready to get out of this place & head to the hair salon for my first 'beauty' shoot for a new online magazine!

D said something today that made me smile...he said it's like Jesus likes that I like photography...he keeps handing opportunities to me. I definitely don't want to miss him in the middle of it all.

I can't do any of this myself. Taking pictures of people...getting the shot right so that they feel great about themselves...i'm finding that is really hard, especially when they are really down on themselves to begin with.

On another note, Christmas is a mere 23 days away...I need to figure out what I'm going to do for people!

Happy Christmas season!