Espresso Truffle

...it's making me jittery.

I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do this Christmas.
Do I stay here in Lex?
Do I go with Dad & Fran to Myrtle Beach to visit Granny?

Lex:
spend w/Mom
spend w/Dusty's fam
go to Campbellsville w/Dusty

Myrtle Beach:
dad, fran, Granny...when will I see her again?
bring someone?
go alone?

Jesus, tell me what to do. I'd rather stay here and be with Dusty, or have him come with me to Myrtle Beach.
Going alone to MB with my dad & fran scares me for some reason...it just doesn't feel great to me. I wouldn't get good time with her to talk about Jesus. It feels kind of like it would be better for me to stay here & go w/D to Campbellsville and get to know his family?

Je ne sais pas.

there's more to uncover...

So yesterday I got to tell Niki about Friday at Tiffany's, and the conversation really surprised me. I told her about how I guess I had made my own time line of how our relationship would look and then told her what my time line was (earliest proposal being Spring 2010)...and she said it seemed really far off to her. She said she doesn't see any red flags and she has been really impressed with how we've dated, and her thoughts were engagement after 1 year of dating...that really shocked me. And it was great to hear.

I got to take my thoughts and questions to Jesus on my way home from work, and I cried a lot in the car. He told me that while I've been saying I want Him to lead our relationship and I want to trust Him with the timing and whatever it might look like, I actually never took the step to really trust him with it. Instead, I made a switch. I traded my fun idea of a soon engagement/marriage for one farther down the line. I assumed that He wouldn't want that for us before the timeline I made, and I was ok with it being then or later, but I never expected it to be any sooner.

I told Him that people would think I was too young, etc. if it was any sooner....and He said, "don't expect people to understand. Your relationship does not look like most relationships."

He also showed me some times in my past when I was hurt by guys...liking them and them not liking me back...and it's like I am not wanting to believe that this time it's different. Like I'm kind of waiting for the floor to fall out from underneath me. I don't know...

There's still more to unpack. For sure. But apparently Jesus wants me to be really ok with what His plans are for me and Dusty...

Tiffanys

I have to say...this Thanksgiving break has to have been the best ever.

My boss let me leave work at noon Wednesday.
I got to help in Crash that night...watching ELF with middle school kids.

Thursday was Thanksgiving. Dusty & I went to Mom's house for our first meal, and it was very pleasant! Dusty felt like part of the family, playing & joking with mom and Tommy. I loved watching that.

Then we went to his aunt Carol's for our second meal. I loved being with his family. Debbie kept asking me for my Christmas list so she knows what to get me, and wanted to know my plans for Christmas so they could work around them to have me & Dusty over. It made me happy to know she likes me!

Friday was our 1-year! Dusty planned an all-day date and refused to tell me where or what we were doing. I loved it. He picked me up in the morning & we drove to Nashville! We walked around the Opryland Hotel, which was decked out in Christmas decoration! It was very cute. And huge! We stopped in front of a nativity scene & (like nerds) told our own version of the nativity story. haha....one of my favorite parts.

After Opryland, we went downtown and walked around for a while. We tried on awesome cowboy boots & went to Rocketown...an amazing hangout for the youth of Nashville, started by Michael W. Smith. I want to open something like that here in Lexington!

For dinner, Dusty picked out a restaurant called "Sapphire". We didn't know how to get there though, so we stopped at a mall & walked around a bit....

At some point, I think he saw a jewelry store & asked me if I wanted to go in...I said no. Then he told me "I don't think it would be weird if you started looking at rings..." He told me how a jewelry flyer was sent to their house & he and Joe were flipping through it picking out their favorites. When we were leaving, he must have seen more jewelry out of the corner of his eye & said, "Your last chance to look at rings..."

At Tiffanys! So we went in. We looked at engagement rings! I got really nervous. This man came up and asked if I wanted to try one on, and I said no! He tried to help us but I was just getting flustered & we left shortly after.

When we got back to the car, Dusty said, "you should have tried one on!" I said, "I couldn't! I had a hot flash and got really nervous!"

I do know that Dusty wants to pick out the actual ring. He just wants an idea of what style I like best.

I told Meredith about this...she said it doesn't scare her at all, and she likes the fact that Dusty was leading it all. I do too, but it's still weird! Meredith said I need to spend time with Jesus asking why I got so nervous. What is it that made me so nervous and scared?

That's all. I just had to write down this moment so I don't forget it.