there's more to uncover...

So yesterday I got to tell Niki about Friday at Tiffany's, and the conversation really surprised me. I told her about how I guess I had made my own time line of how our relationship would look and then told her what my time line was (earliest proposal being Spring 2010)...and she said it seemed really far off to her. She said she doesn't see any red flags and she has been really impressed with how we've dated, and her thoughts were engagement after 1 year of dating...that really shocked me. And it was great to hear.

I got to take my thoughts and questions to Jesus on my way home from work, and I cried a lot in the car. He told me that while I've been saying I want Him to lead our relationship and I want to trust Him with the timing and whatever it might look like, I actually never took the step to really trust him with it. Instead, I made a switch. I traded my fun idea of a soon engagement/marriage for one farther down the line. I assumed that He wouldn't want that for us before the timeline I made, and I was ok with it being then or later, but I never expected it to be any sooner.

I told Him that people would think I was too young, etc. if it was any sooner....and He said, "don't expect people to understand. Your relationship does not look like most relationships."

He also showed me some times in my past when I was hurt by guys...liking them and them not liking me back...and it's like I am not wanting to believe that this time it's different. Like I'm kind of waiting for the floor to fall out from underneath me. I don't know...

There's still more to unpack. For sure. But apparently Jesus wants me to be really ok with what His plans are for me and Dusty...