Summer Dreams

These last few weeks at work have been very dull...not much going on. I've pretty much been able to do whatever I want, which means watching tv online & reading.

But, it's been nice to be able to just be free.

I bought a new camera!

And I got to hang out with my stepdad Monday learning a bit more about photography. I really just need to get out & practice. I won't learn

much more unless I experiment, as Dave said.

I bought a new computer too, that has some great programs on it for me to use for editing photos.

I've also been dying to get out onto the field & play soccer...and it looks like there's a possibility that I could play with an old friend & teammate! It makes me a little nervous seeing as how I have been out of the game for a good 5 years or so, but it's something I love to do & would really be a huge gift if I do in fact get to do it soon.

I also would love to go to the pool & get tan.

I want to visit my Granny in PA.

I would LOVE to buy these dresses:

SO cute.

Anyway, I guess I should get back to some sort of work & stop daydreaming.

Love.

M.

Here we go!

Well, here we go.

I heard a yes from Jesus for leading a sub-group! And last night I got my first official placement! I can't wait to call her & invite her in!

It does make me nervous to lead these girls though...I don't know what I'm doing, & I'm not sure I ever will!

This weekend was really great. I got to go with some of my Fused girls to see a girl we love graduate! (Go Nina!) & then I got to go to Seth & Laura's beautiful wedding...I loved seeing their hearts on their sleeves as Seth shared with everyone their love for Christ & showed a montage of the Passion. Amazing. He has definitely changed. I just hope that their message went to the hearts of some of the lost people who attended their wedding...

Service was wonderful, too. Seeing those people on stage sharing with thousands what great work God has done in their hearts was gorgeous...I want to learn how to steward my finances honorably, letting God lead it. I want to learn how to save & spend with a generous heart, open-handed, always seeing my money as an entrustment & provision. It's not my own.

D. & I are doing great. I feel like I love him more & more these days, & I can feel it reciprocated. I feel closer to him than ever before. I look forward to the day when we get to start our life together...

Last, I'm looking into buying a townhouse! I need to talk to D. to get his thoughts on it...crazy.

Anyway, that's about it. Only 1 hour & I can get outside in this gorgeous weather! AH!

Daydreaming...

I was just telling D that there are SO many places I want to visit...

These are just a few. Italy, New Zealand, Seattle, San Fransisco, Hawaii...maybe one day...

One more

And another one.

Just found out that yet another couple got engaged this weekend.

Jesus did some great work in my heart the other week, showing me where I had shifted my hope from him & placed expectations on D that he never knew about & that were never meant to be placed on him. We got to have a great conversation & it has felt much more free since then...

I just realized though, that my initial reaction is still comparison & disappointment when I hear of other engagements. I justify them as being 'OK' if the couple has been together longer than me & D or if the couple is considerably older than us...otherwise, it's frustration or disappointment.

I know God has a beautiful plan and only wants to lavish me & D with it...I believe it. I know there must be some work He wants to do in each of us before presenting us with the gift of marriage...the waiting time is just hard when it's smacked in your face all the freaking time.

So, Lord, please help steady my heart in this area. I want to be trusting you so firmly that my only reaction for other couples you call into marriage before me & D is excitement & congratulations, in just the same way your heart is for them.

Onslaught

This past weekend was the FUSED Onslaught Spring Retreat...it felt so different from past retreats. I got to produce with Penny & lead my senior girls in small group. That was a big gift to get to be with them again.

Retreat was a lot of fun & 12 kids came home new! Joanna & I got to lead a girl named Rachel, who we have been talking to for weeks...It was so gorgeous getting to watch her courageously give Jesus her heart & choose to trust Him. She was beaming when she finished praying...absolutely stunning.

On the way to retreat, I got a phone call asking me to pray about stepping into leading a lifegroup. I am still pretty stunned by the fact that I got an ask like that. I got to ask Jesus about it on retreat...didn't hear super clear yes or no, but my feeling is that I'm not quite ready for it just yet. I still have a lot of learning to do before saying yes to a huge entrustment like that. It's crazy that Jesus & people see me as someone with that potential though...

Anyway, it's officially SPRING! I'm ready to get out & take pictures. If only this weather would warm up!

March showers...

Spring is almost here...and summer is approaching too!

Britton finally popped the question this weekend & he & Liz are engaged! I am SO excited for these two friends I love so much! They have been so faithful & trusting of Jesus and His plans, and I have been praying that their engagement & wedding are just a lavish picture of His love for them. I was blown away last night when Liz told me she would love to have me stand by her side as she marries Britton in just a few short months...blown away. I love that girl and I am so happy for her! Now I get to help her get ready for her big day! AH!

As for my own, I still have absolutely no clue when it would be...whether it's going to be this year or next. I just looked over my vacation days & it looks like I will have to miss some really fun stuff this year :( I might have to miss the high school road trip again, and I'm pretty sure I have to miss Women's Retreat. I just don't have enough vacation days & I can't take any unpaid vacation days, which stinks. Especially if D is thinking of us getting married this year, that would mean a postponed honeymoon. Oh well, I guess I don't need to be worrying about it until the time comes...

Speaking of D-Jesus has been SO faithful & has just been giving gifts all over the place. Last week he kind of threw a Jeep right in D's lap, and he now is driving a car he wanted & he didn't have to pay a dime. Crazy. Then, D got a job offer from a guy we serve with in Fused, followed by 3 openings at Lexmark that he got to apply for. I pray Jesus shows him just where to go & opens the door for him to jump. It feels like he's getting a call-up into adulthood or something...like, realizing it's time to step out of the 'student' position & into the real world with responsibility.

I got to teach LG for the first time (w/Merda there) last night...it made me want to vomit a little. I don't know if I would like leading a LG...it's hard!

And last, I am DYING to get out & shoot some pictures! I spent some time reading up on digital photography to really know how to use my camera...not just play until I get a good picture. I want to be knowlegeable of what I'm doing & grow my skills. I think I have an eye for it, but I need to know the technicals too. I would still love to be a professional photographer...maybe one day.

WTH

What the heck?

So I'm hearing Jesus' voice more clearly than ever...I get to be an apprentice in Accelerate this year, and Matt Garner is my Accelerator! Crazy & strange, but it will be great. I got to meet with him Saturday & lay down some offenses & let him know that I choose to follow him & trust him. I can't wait to see what this year holds & what I look like by the end of it...

Tonight in Fused we are splitting again, middle school from high school. I get to step into the role of the producer, which means I am no longer the senior girls' small group leader. It makes me sad to leave them but Jesus lavished me this weekend...I got to see my investment in that group overflow as I watched Ashlea McIllwain, Courtney Harris & Amy Thornberry all give their lives to Jesus! What in the world!?! What a way to step out & into a new spot.

I'm so freaking excited to see what the Lord has in store for FUSED...I think the ministry will just explode once we get going with the split. We'll have more room for students & I think the kids will love being around people their age instead of being mixed.

Here we go!