You can't go back the life pre-chosen

Leadership Retreat was this past weekend and it was unbelievable.

I went into retreat knowing Jesus wanted to shift something in me, but I had no clue what. I was invited to 1st wave, which is crazy, & that first night, there were 2 lines that rang out really loud:

'It took only took Jesus 32 words for Paul to abandon his whole life plan" &

'You can't go back to the life pre-chosen'

At the end of the first session, Pete & the lead team were standing down front offering batons...if you were ready to run this race with Jesus all the way to the finish line, you could come get one. As I was listening to the worship lyrics, I couldn't sing them..."we are your burning ones, we are consumed by you, we set our lives apart"...those words weren't true of my heart. I knew there was some work I needed to do with Jesus before I could sing & before I could pick up my baton.

I felt Him drawing me to the foot of the cross, a place I had never gone before. I always felt like someone would be watching me or made an excuse as to why I didn't need to go, but this time I knew it was Him & I knew I couldn't argue. I got to spend sweet time humbled at the foot of the cross hearing His voice. He gave me a picture of him reaching his arm into hell & pulling me out, & he said he had me in mind when he went to the cross. He also said that as far as my passion goes, that we needed to get back to the beginning & ignite my passion for him first, then he'll show me from there.

I felt different...worship felt different...& I got my baton.

By the end of retreat, Jesus had shown me places where I resisted being his chosen girl...he said he always chose me, & he chooses me over & over again, but now I get to choose. I was afraid of what people would think if I came back different, & he said "they need you to be different". He told me it is possible for me to be faithful & He is running the race right alongside me.

I got to close an off-ramp I had kept open & declare my faithfulness to Him & to my church...& I chose to run the race all the way to the finish line; to endure through the hard stuff & not stop or give up.

So now I'm back at work...but I can't go back to the life pre-chosen...