cool summer days

Today at lunch I got to spend my time with Jesus at my favorite spot on campus...sitting in a rocking chair under a tree, feeling the breeze against my cheek & listening to the chorus of sounds around me. I love love LOVE gorgeous days like today.

I sat there talking to the J man & getting to take a look at my heart. Here are a few things I heard/found out:

-I love producing, but my heart beats faster for producing in Fused than it does in the big room...I need to talk to a few people about this to let them know.

-I loved leading the senior girls last year & watching that group of girls grow like crazy. & thinking about not being able to lead a Fused small group makes me sad...the thought came through my head that maybe I'm not supposed to lead a college-age lifegroup like I do now, but maybe I'm supposed to just lead a Fused lifgroup...again, I need to talk to some people about this

-I love the idea of working at/running/having my hand in a making a place like Rocketown in Lexington. A place where teens can come hang out, get creative, learn & be loved in a safe community. Where they can just be themselves & experience Jesus.

-I want to get out & take pictures...& I need to just make it happen

-I want to learn how I can be a better girlfriend, a better daughter, sister, friend...

-I want & need to start exercising.

-I want to become disciplined...in reading good books, in exercising, in eating well, in spending time with Jesus, in reading the Bible...in lots of things, really.

-I need to invest in my family & Dusty's family more.

My Granny is in town, & I've gotten to spend some time with her, but I haven't gotten to talk about Jesus with her. I still don't know where she sits with Him...

I want to be the woman God made me to be.

Passion...

Since Chicago Summit, my ears have been perked to that word...'passion'.

Jesus showed me how passion-less I am....and when passion has to fuel basically anything you want to put your hand to, being passion-less is not a good thing. I hate that I'm passion-less. Yet, I know God has hand-crafted a passion specifically for my heart.

When I think about being passionate, I think of a few things:

-a place like Rocketown, where teens can come hang, learn & be loved

-photography

I want to be so passionate first about Jesus. Not held back. All-in.

I want to be so passionate that fear has no way in...that I go for it...whatever that is.

ROAD TRIP

What in the world...

Well, last week I got to take my vacation & go on high school road trip with a bunch of awesome teenagers. I cannot believe who they have become & what we got to do...

Monday:

We stopped in Chatanooga, TN & played with a bunch of kiddos at a day camp. So cute. It was fun watching some of our hard-shelled students soften & play with those kids.

We went on to Atlanga, GA & stayed the night at Courageous Church (a small church that meets in an office building's multipurpose room).

Tuesday:

We went out with Shaun King to inner-city ATL & helped clean up a poor neighborhood. We saw & dipped our hands in some gross stuff, but what broke my heart more was interacting with this woman who was so upset that we were cleaning there. I wish she knew we were wanting to love her in this way, not say we are better than her...I could feel Jesus rooting for these people, begging them to let Him love them as we threw this trash away & offered them water. I watched them receive the water, & as I handed it over, I could feel Jesus saying, 'great! finally!', like that one bottle of water broke through a barrier & let him in a little bit deeper.

We then hopped on the bus & drove to Anderson, SC! We got to visit Newspring Church & go to FUSE! It was so great meeting some of their leaders & touring the place...it gave me & our team so much hope for what Jesus might have & can do in our future. We really aren't that far off...

Wednesday:

FUN DAY! We went to Six Flags & had a blast!

Then we got to stay in a hotel! Woo hoo!

Thursday:

We drove to Nashville, TN...stopped at Rocketown & helped clean up around their new building & get them set up for their Thursday night potluck. We played with kids who were at a camp there & joined the potluck in conversations with regulars...we shared our stories & it was so amazing...we got to speak Truth to the 3 in our group & show them a picture of who Jesus is & what He can do. I so want them to know Him!

Rocketown was one of my favorites...gosh I would LOVE for Fused to one day be like that...a ministry that loves on youth in diverse & tangible ways, offering classes & hosting shows & just being a fun hang-out. What would that be like?!?

That night we went to Laser Quest-BEST game ever, following Dan B. around like I was a marine...dripping with sweat but so fun!

Friday:

We spent the day at Christ Church (which is HUGE) helping clean up & welcome their youth home from a week long camp.

We had our last 'service' that night, & it was insane.

I got to lead Brittney Clark to Jesus! Man is she different...

Saturday:

Came home.

Whew.

Last week was incredible.

Tomorrow is Britt & Liz's wedding rehearsal.

Friday is their wedding! AHH!

And Sunday I leave with Dusty, Joanna, Brad & Tanya for Daytona to check out Newspring's Gauntlet!

I'm so excited for what Jesus has in store for Fused this year! It's going to look way different! I'm going to look way different...

Summer Dreams

These last few weeks at work have been very dull...not much going on. I've pretty much been able to do whatever I want, which means watching tv online & reading.

But, it's been nice to be able to just be free.

I bought a new camera!

And I got to hang out with my stepdad Monday learning a bit more about photography. I really just need to get out & practice. I won't learn

much more unless I experiment, as Dave said.

I bought a new computer too, that has some great programs on it for me to use for editing photos.

I've also been dying to get out onto the field & play soccer...and it looks like there's a possibility that I could play with an old friend & teammate! It makes me a little nervous seeing as how I have been out of the game for a good 5 years or so, but it's something I love to do & would really be a huge gift if I do in fact get to do it soon.

I also would love to go to the pool & get tan.

I want to visit my Granny in PA.

I would LOVE to buy these dresses:

SO cute.

Anyway, I guess I should get back to some sort of work & stop daydreaming.

Love.

M.

Here we go!

Well, here we go.

I heard a yes from Jesus for leading a sub-group! And last night I got my first official placement! I can't wait to call her & invite her in!

It does make me nervous to lead these girls though...I don't know what I'm doing, & I'm not sure I ever will!

This weekend was really great. I got to go with some of my Fused girls to see a girl we love graduate! (Go Nina!) & then I got to go to Seth & Laura's beautiful wedding...I loved seeing their hearts on their sleeves as Seth shared with everyone their love for Christ & showed a montage of the Passion. Amazing. He has definitely changed. I just hope that their message went to the hearts of some of the lost people who attended their wedding...

Service was wonderful, too. Seeing those people on stage sharing with thousands what great work God has done in their hearts was gorgeous...I want to learn how to steward my finances honorably, letting God lead it. I want to learn how to save & spend with a generous heart, open-handed, always seeing my money as an entrustment & provision. It's not my own.

D. & I are doing great. I feel like I love him more & more these days, & I can feel it reciprocated. I feel closer to him than ever before. I look forward to the day when we get to start our life together...

Last, I'm looking into buying a townhouse! I need to talk to D. to get his thoughts on it...crazy.

Anyway, that's about it. Only 1 hour & I can get outside in this gorgeous weather! AH!

Daydreaming...

I was just telling D that there are SO many places I want to visit...

These are just a few. Italy, New Zealand, Seattle, San Fransisco, Hawaii...maybe one day...

One more

And another one.

Just found out that yet another couple got engaged this weekend.

Jesus did some great work in my heart the other week, showing me where I had shifted my hope from him & placed expectations on D that he never knew about & that were never meant to be placed on him. We got to have a great conversation & it has felt much more free since then...

I just realized though, that my initial reaction is still comparison & disappointment when I hear of other engagements. I justify them as being 'OK' if the couple has been together longer than me & D or if the couple is considerably older than us...otherwise, it's frustration or disappointment.

I know God has a beautiful plan and only wants to lavish me & D with it...I believe it. I know there must be some work He wants to do in each of us before presenting us with the gift of marriage...the waiting time is just hard when it's smacked in your face all the freaking time.

So, Lord, please help steady my heart in this area. I want to be trusting you so firmly that my only reaction for other couples you call into marriage before me & D is excitement & congratulations, in just the same way your heart is for them.