Feeling Creative...

I'm feeling a wee bit creative...heading to Wal Mart to see what I can find.

Unsure...

I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now...

I'm feeling like leading a lifegroup isn't for me.

And I think I need to talk to my producing leader about producing on the weekends...

It feels like I need to lighten my load a bit. I'm dying to get more into FUSED. I'm on the lead team & leading producing/production...but I feel so out of things because I'm not leading students anymore. I would love to lead a student lifegroup, but right now I just can't...

I'm not sure whether I'm feeling this stuff because it's the right next step for me to take, or if I'm just in a funk...I love my lifegroup girls, but I'm just not sure it's the right fit for me to lead. I definitely need to talk to Mer, MM & KD.

Date Night!

I'm so looking forward to date night tonight...

Last night as I was driving home I had a thought of what D & I could do for date night this evening...go on a tour of Lexington sharing stories of growing up. We'd go to places that were big parts of our story & tell each other a bit about it. A fun way to get to know more about each other!

Here are some of the places I was thinking:

-Osprey House (where I first lived in Lexington)

-Shilito Park

-Stonewall Woods

-Green House

-Mary Queen

-Jessie Clark

-Lafayette

-Dennis Dr.

-High Bridge

-UK

I'm thinking we go by age...so I'll take him to a few places & then we can go a few places on his list, then back to me, then back to him...

How fun is that? We've been dating for almost 3 years now, but this little trip around town would be such a neat way to let him get to see a picture of me growing up like he hasn't seen before, & vice-versa! :)

You can't go back the life pre-chosen

Leadership Retreat was this past weekend and it was unbelievable.

I went into retreat knowing Jesus wanted to shift something in me, but I had no clue what. I was invited to 1st wave, which is crazy, & that first night, there were 2 lines that rang out really loud:

'It took only took Jesus 32 words for Paul to abandon his whole life plan" &

'You can't go back to the life pre-chosen'

At the end of the first session, Pete & the lead team were standing down front offering batons...if you were ready to run this race with Jesus all the way to the finish line, you could come get one. As I was listening to the worship lyrics, I couldn't sing them..."we are your burning ones, we are consumed by you, we set our lives apart"...those words weren't true of my heart. I knew there was some work I needed to do with Jesus before I could sing & before I could pick up my baton.

I felt Him drawing me to the foot of the cross, a place I had never gone before. I always felt like someone would be watching me or made an excuse as to why I didn't need to go, but this time I knew it was Him & I knew I couldn't argue. I got to spend sweet time humbled at the foot of the cross hearing His voice. He gave me a picture of him reaching his arm into hell & pulling me out, & he said he had me in mind when he went to the cross. He also said that as far as my passion goes, that we needed to get back to the beginning & ignite my passion for him first, then he'll show me from there.

I felt different...worship felt different...& I got my baton.

By the end of retreat, Jesus had shown me places where I resisted being his chosen girl...he said he always chose me, & he chooses me over & over again, but now I get to choose. I was afraid of what people would think if I came back different, & he said "they need you to be different". He told me it is possible for me to be faithful & He is running the race right alongside me.

I got to close an off-ramp I had kept open & declare my faithfulness to Him & to my church...& I chose to run the race all the way to the finish line; to endure through the hard stuff & not stop or give up.

So now I'm back at work...but I can't go back to the life pre-chosen...

cool summer days

Today at lunch I got to spend my time with Jesus at my favorite spot on campus...sitting in a rocking chair under a tree, feeling the breeze against my cheek & listening to the chorus of sounds around me. I love love LOVE gorgeous days like today.

I sat there talking to the J man & getting to take a look at my heart. Here are a few things I heard/found out:

-I love producing, but my heart beats faster for producing in Fused than it does in the big room...I need to talk to a few people about this to let them know.

-I loved leading the senior girls last year & watching that group of girls grow like crazy. & thinking about not being able to lead a Fused small group makes me sad...the thought came through my head that maybe I'm not supposed to lead a college-age lifegroup like I do now, but maybe I'm supposed to just lead a Fused lifgroup...again, I need to talk to some people about this

-I love the idea of working at/running/having my hand in a making a place like Rocketown in Lexington. A place where teens can come hang out, get creative, learn & be loved in a safe community. Where they can just be themselves & experience Jesus.

-I want to get out & take pictures...& I need to just make it happen

-I want to learn how I can be a better girlfriend, a better daughter, sister, friend...

-I want & need to start exercising.

-I want to become disciplined...in reading good books, in exercising, in eating well, in spending time with Jesus, in reading the Bible...in lots of things, really.

-I need to invest in my family & Dusty's family more.

My Granny is in town, & I've gotten to spend some time with her, but I haven't gotten to talk about Jesus with her. I still don't know where she sits with Him...

I want to be the woman God made me to be.

Passion...

Since Chicago Summit, my ears have been perked to that word...'passion'.

Jesus showed me how passion-less I am....and when passion has to fuel basically anything you want to put your hand to, being passion-less is not a good thing. I hate that I'm passion-less. Yet, I know God has hand-crafted a passion specifically for my heart.

When I think about being passionate, I think of a few things:

-a place like Rocketown, where teens can come hang, learn & be loved

-photography

I want to be so passionate first about Jesus. Not held back. All-in.

I want to be so passionate that fear has no way in...that I go for it...whatever that is.

ROAD TRIP

What in the world...

Well, last week I got to take my vacation & go on high school road trip with a bunch of awesome teenagers. I cannot believe who they have become & what we got to do...

Monday:

We stopped in Chatanooga, TN & played with a bunch of kiddos at a day camp. So cute. It was fun watching some of our hard-shelled students soften & play with those kids.

We went on to Atlanga, GA & stayed the night at Courageous Church (a small church that meets in an office building's multipurpose room).

Tuesday:

We went out with Shaun King to inner-city ATL & helped clean up a poor neighborhood. We saw & dipped our hands in some gross stuff, but what broke my heart more was interacting with this woman who was so upset that we were cleaning there. I wish she knew we were wanting to love her in this way, not say we are better than her...I could feel Jesus rooting for these people, begging them to let Him love them as we threw this trash away & offered them water. I watched them receive the water, & as I handed it over, I could feel Jesus saying, 'great! finally!', like that one bottle of water broke through a barrier & let him in a little bit deeper.

We then hopped on the bus & drove to Anderson, SC! We got to visit Newspring Church & go to FUSE! It was so great meeting some of their leaders & touring the place...it gave me & our team so much hope for what Jesus might have & can do in our future. We really aren't that far off...

Wednesday:

FUN DAY! We went to Six Flags & had a blast!

Then we got to stay in a hotel! Woo hoo!

Thursday:

We drove to Nashville, TN...stopped at Rocketown & helped clean up around their new building & get them set up for their Thursday night potluck. We played with kids who were at a camp there & joined the potluck in conversations with regulars...we shared our stories & it was so amazing...we got to speak Truth to the 3 in our group & show them a picture of who Jesus is & what He can do. I so want them to know Him!

Rocketown was one of my favorites...gosh I would LOVE for Fused to one day be like that...a ministry that loves on youth in diverse & tangible ways, offering classes & hosting shows & just being a fun hang-out. What would that be like?!?

That night we went to Laser Quest-BEST game ever, following Dan B. around like I was a marine...dripping with sweat but so fun!

Friday:

We spent the day at Christ Church (which is HUGE) helping clean up & welcome their youth home from a week long camp.

We had our last 'service' that night, & it was insane.

I got to lead Brittney Clark to Jesus! Man is she different...

Saturday:

Came home.

Whew.

Last week was incredible.

Tomorrow is Britt & Liz's wedding rehearsal.

Friday is their wedding! AHH!

And Sunday I leave with Dusty, Joanna, Brad & Tanya for Daytona to check out Newspring's Gauntlet!

I'm so excited for what Jesus has in store for Fused this year! It's going to look way different! I'm going to look way different...