I.Love.This.

Weather!

I really think I just need a job where I get to be outside whenever I want. Wouldn't that be grand?

I've been at this job for over 2 years now...that's a bit wild to me. I wonder, how long does one usually stay at one place as the office manager?

Anyway, I was just strolling through some other blogs & I really have the itch to get creative & crafty. I want to go to flea markets & reupholster a chair. Or paint a set of drawers. Or something.

I want to set up a time to take pictures.

I want to run in the sunlight of the fall weather.

Feeling Creative...

I'm feeling a wee bit creative...heading to Wal Mart to see what I can find.

Unsure...

I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now...

I'm feeling like leading a lifegroup isn't for me.

And I think I need to talk to my producing leader about producing on the weekends...

It feels like I need to lighten my load a bit. I'm dying to get more into FUSED. I'm on the lead team & leading producing/production...but I feel so out of things because I'm not leading students anymore. I would love to lead a student lifegroup, but right now I just can't...

I'm not sure whether I'm feeling this stuff because it's the right next step for me to take, or if I'm just in a funk...I love my lifegroup girls, but I'm just not sure it's the right fit for me to lead. I definitely need to talk to Mer, MM & KD.

Date Night!

I'm so looking forward to date night tonight...

Last night as I was driving home I had a thought of what D & I could do for date night this evening...go on a tour of Lexington sharing stories of growing up. We'd go to places that were big parts of our story & tell each other a bit about it. A fun way to get to know more about each other!

Here are some of the places I was thinking:

-Osprey House (where I first lived in Lexington)

-Shilito Park

-Stonewall Woods

-Green House

-Mary Queen

-Jessie Clark

-Lafayette

-Dennis Dr.

-High Bridge

-UK

I'm thinking we go by age...so I'll take him to a few places & then we can go a few places on his list, then back to me, then back to him...

How fun is that? We've been dating for almost 3 years now, but this little trip around town would be such a neat way to let him get to see a picture of me growing up like he hasn't seen before, & vice-versa! :)

You can't go back the life pre-chosen

Leadership Retreat was this past weekend and it was unbelievable.

I went into retreat knowing Jesus wanted to shift something in me, but I had no clue what. I was invited to 1st wave, which is crazy, & that first night, there were 2 lines that rang out really loud:

'It took only took Jesus 32 words for Paul to abandon his whole life plan" &

'You can't go back to the life pre-chosen'

At the end of the first session, Pete & the lead team were standing down front offering batons...if you were ready to run this race with Jesus all the way to the finish line, you could come get one. As I was listening to the worship lyrics, I couldn't sing them..."we are your burning ones, we are consumed by you, we set our lives apart"...those words weren't true of my heart. I knew there was some work I needed to do with Jesus before I could sing & before I could pick up my baton.

I felt Him drawing me to the foot of the cross, a place I had never gone before. I always felt like someone would be watching me or made an excuse as to why I didn't need to go, but this time I knew it was Him & I knew I couldn't argue. I got to spend sweet time humbled at the foot of the cross hearing His voice. He gave me a picture of him reaching his arm into hell & pulling me out, & he said he had me in mind when he went to the cross. He also said that as far as my passion goes, that we needed to get back to the beginning & ignite my passion for him first, then he'll show me from there.

I felt different...worship felt different...& I got my baton.

By the end of retreat, Jesus had shown me places where I resisted being his chosen girl...he said he always chose me, & he chooses me over & over again, but now I get to choose. I was afraid of what people would think if I came back different, & he said "they need you to be different". He told me it is possible for me to be faithful & He is running the race right alongside me.

I got to close an off-ramp I had kept open & declare my faithfulness to Him & to my church...& I chose to run the race all the way to the finish line; to endure through the hard stuff & not stop or give up.

So now I'm back at work...but I can't go back to the life pre-chosen...

cool summer days

Today at lunch I got to spend my time with Jesus at my favorite spot on campus...sitting in a rocking chair under a tree, feeling the breeze against my cheek & listening to the chorus of sounds around me. I love love LOVE gorgeous days like today.

I sat there talking to the J man & getting to take a look at my heart. Here are a few things I heard/found out:

-I love producing, but my heart beats faster for producing in Fused than it does in the big room...I need to talk to a few people about this to let them know.

-I loved leading the senior girls last year & watching that group of girls grow like crazy. & thinking about not being able to lead a Fused small group makes me sad...the thought came through my head that maybe I'm not supposed to lead a college-age lifegroup like I do now, but maybe I'm supposed to just lead a Fused lifgroup...again, I need to talk to some people about this

-I love the idea of working at/running/having my hand in a making a place like Rocketown in Lexington. A place where teens can come hang out, get creative, learn & be loved in a safe community. Where they can just be themselves & experience Jesus.

-I want to get out & take pictures...& I need to just make it happen

-I want to learn how I can be a better girlfriend, a better daughter, sister, friend...

-I want & need to start exercising.

-I want to become disciplined...in reading good books, in exercising, in eating well, in spending time with Jesus, in reading the Bible...in lots of things, really.

-I need to invest in my family & Dusty's family more.

My Granny is in town, & I've gotten to spend some time with her, but I haven't gotten to talk about Jesus with her. I still don't know where she sits with Him...

I want to be the woman God made me to be.

Passion...

Since Chicago Summit, my ears have been perked to that word...'passion'.

Jesus showed me how passion-less I am....and when passion has to fuel basically anything you want to put your hand to, being passion-less is not a good thing. I hate that I'm passion-less. Yet, I know God has hand-crafted a passion specifically for my heart.

When I think about being passionate, I think of a few things:

-a place like Rocketown, where teens can come hang, learn & be loved

-photography

I want to be so passionate first about Jesus. Not held back. All-in.

I want to be so passionate that fear has no way in...that I go for it...whatever that is.