They're all starting to look the same

Let's start with last weekend...

My Accelerator took my roommate to look at engagement rings. While I was listening to Shannah tell me about the experience & how she was freaking out, I started to realize I wanted that experience, too. This whole time I've been hoping D would take me, but at the same time figuring he wanted to do it all himself. But my heart really wanted the experience of us going & looking at them together...to make things more real.

So, Tuesday night I asked him if we could go look at rings together sometime. He said he'd already been thinking that & wanted to take me on date night.

Which brings us to last night.

We got a late start, but we went to Helzberg & started trying on rings. We were friends with the guy helping us, which was fun at first, but at the same time, it was hard. I didn't want to say what I liked for fear that it would be shot down by one of them...all the rings started looking the same to me & I was dying to get out of there.

We left & went to dinner after I cried & told D how I felt. Then sat in the car after dinner crying some more & being honest about where my heart is...I won't go into detail, but it was good to get to let him know what I was feeling & hear him tell me where he's been. I just get to trust Jesus & trust Dusty with the timing of it all.

New York, New York!

I'm getting more excited about these coming weeks/months! There's so much to look forward to!

-Halloween Party OR Needtobreathe this Friday in NKY

-Boyds Orchard fun w/LG this Saturday

-Halloween Sunday

-Thanksgiving

-Dad's Birthday

-3 year anniversary!

-Christmas!

-New Years

-hopefully an engagement somewhere in the mix

-NEW YORK!

-My bday...

Yesterday I booked my hotel room...this is what it will look like:

I will have my very own KING size bed...in Manhattan. I won't need to worry about waking up super early to find my way through the Big Apple...the conference is in the very same hotel!

I did download an application on my phone that shows me all the subway routes & map of NYC. I will for sure be making my way around to do some shopping & visit my friends!

I'll be doing some research as to where to make some stops while I'm in the city....like, maybe Kleinfelds?

We'll see ;)

Happy Spiritual Bday Dusty!

Oct.25.

I really love him. And I love how much he loves Jesus.

I'll write more in the morning...I just wanted to type it out. :)

A new season

This weekend marks the beginning of a new season for me.

A few weeks ago, I heard Jesus confirm that it was time for me to step out of leading my subgroup. Last night I got to tell the girls, & next weekend I will be officially just in a lifegroup.

I'll be going back into Meredith's group, which feels a little weird to me, but it will be good.

I also get to try out a new producing schedule that will have me off two weeks-on two weeks...SO excited for that! My 2 weeks off starts this weekend!

And last, I will be meeting with B to figure out some next steps in Fused!

All I can say is, I'm looking forward to the next... :)

Changes are coming...

Just around the corner, and I am looking forward to them.

For a little while there, I was letting voices get to me...and they weren't even voices that had actually been spoken. It was the enemy's voice trying to make it's way in. But thank you, Jesus for speaking louder than the enemy.

If anything, I've learned how truly great it is to be authentic & how much my leaders care & love me and cheer me on.

It looks like I get to say 'no' to leading a lifegroup. That puts my heart at rest and actually really excites me for what the next in LG looks like. I know some changes will be coming soon...our group will be split soon...I wonder if I'll actually be moved into a new group? Wherever I am, I'll get to just be...I'll get to lead out by just being me, but I won't have any sort of entrustment of leading anyone. It feels a little weird to think about, but I think it will be good.

I got to have lunch with K.D. this afternoon & share what's been going on in my heart in regards to producing...we're going to be praying about what my spot looks like. It might be that I'm on 2/4 weeks a month, or I might try out a new spot on producing...and if it looks like it's actually just time for me to come off producing, then that's what will happen, & it's really ok.

I'm just looking forward to how all of this frees up my heart & lets God do a bigger work in me. :)

These days

These days...

My heart is content & expectant.

It's funny I wrote that this morning...because I just talked with SB & was asked to pray about stepping into officially leading a lifegroup.

It's been something I knew would come sooner or later...as I've been leading a subgroup under Meredith for a few months now, & haven't known if leading my own LG is really something Jesus wants for me...I've been ok not knowing the answer. I knew all along I could ask the question & hear the answer if I wanted to...but that's just it...I don't think I've really wanted to know the answer.

But why?

I'm praying Jesus shows me why that is. What is it that's been keeping me from wanting to know?

Fear? Self? I think both of those in some ways...I'm afraid I would screw it up (even though that is inevitable) & afraid the answer would be yes. I'm not sure if I really want to lead a LG. Not sure if I want that mantle. Part of me just wants to be in a LG where I can learn & soak up truth...but not have the mantle & responsibility of leading a group of women. Listening to my own thoughts it feels a bit like what Jesus was showing me at Summit-afraid God would 'make me do something I didn't really want to do'.

There are times I like leading a LG...there are times I don't like it. I just really want to know if this isn't for me, or if I've just been biting off on self a lot. If it is something Jesus wants me to say yes to, I want to be able to say yes wholeheartedly...not just saying yes because Jesus said to.

So, God, please show me the truth about my heart & the truth about your plans!

Getting more vocal

After D told me Friday that he's been talking to his Accelerator about marriage & he's going to be talking to his dad soon, I've been thinking about it a little more & feeling like it's really ok for me to be a little more vocal with wanting to marry him...

Last night I visited him at his office where he was working late. We got to talking about weddings & I asked him what season he wants to get married in...after some talk, it sounds like we will probably be married before summer next year! That makes my heart happy to know that, & still leaves plenty of room for surprise as I have no clue when the proposal is coming.

I just can't wait. I'm excited to finally get to start shopping & planning for a fun wedding celebration & to start a life with D. It's crazy to think that in less than 9 months, I could be a married woman!